Ah, I dunno why I haven't written in a long while. Maybe nothing significant happened. Or maybe I've just been overworked. I hardly have time to sit and think anymore. Maybe that's a good thing. Tonight I had too much time to do that. Tonight I feel empty. I'm a charlatan, I put on this act to entertain others, yet in the end even I'm not amused. Who am I really? Tonight I thought about all the friends in the past who've left me. Who am I to them? Despite everything I've attained, what have I to show for that? So many mistakes, so many people gone.
Argh, I dunno why I'm even writing this. Yesterday I felt so happy. My two best friends came over to see me and I had the greatest time as far back as I could remember. Perhaps this is the Emocoaster.
Silversun Pickups rock.
I've been waiting. I've been waiting for this moment alllll myyyy life. But it's not quite right.
Wait, you know what it is? I've talked to girls today. I find that I get depressed after talking to those idiots. It's like I put on a show - I dance and do a jig - and they're not impressed. I'm left on that stage, with the spotlight turned off, all alone, and the audience gone home. Fuck, I was so happy yesterday with Ruthie and Alejandro.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Cover Letter.
Victor Von Doom
Doomstadt, Latveria
Human Resources
Dear Dr. Doom,
I am seeking to apply as an Electronics Engineer for a full time position at your robotics facility in Doomstadt. Designing electronic systems and optimizing through software simulation is a personal interest of mine. My extensive knowledge of electrical circuit design and experience in robotics would be an asset to your engineering team.
Despite your landlocked country's numerous trade embargoes - obviously perpetrated by enemies of democracy and peace - you have single-handedly maintained a strong technology sector as can be seen by your vast armada of Doombots. This type of management can only be attributed to the wealth of intellect and polymathic skill of its glorious leader. You will find that I too am learned in a multitude of arts and possess a multifaceted skillset. Throughout my years at McMaster University I have worked with computing programs such as Matlab for finite element analysis; Multisim for schematic circuit design; AutoCAD for 2D and 3D drafting; and computing languages like C and Assembly in many of the projects I undertook.
I understand that your armour is of your own design. This is a trait of a true leader: not to allow for chinks by giving the responsibility to lackeys and peasants. Like your majesty, I too possess leadership qualities and I enjoy building from my hands. As such, I have designed and built electronic systems, from optical guidance systems to a working robotic vehicle where I undertook the responsibility of a group leader.
Today's robots utilize mechanical, electronic, and software systems that work in union to perform specific tasks. Although your Doombots and other machinery appear to be mostly governed by the principles of steam-power and alchemy, I believe my unique microsystems background will be a great boon to your army. I have a thorough understanding of RS-232 and PCI interfaces, having used them in the building of a spectrum analyzer, and data analysis using microcontrollers. You might find that controlling the world with such a vast army troublesome while managing the issues of your own nation. But possessing a strong background in digital communication I am also equipped with a thorough understanding of RF circuit design, and analog and digital signal processing. With a constant radio connection you can lead your armada of mechanical troops from the convenience of your throne in Castle Doom!
As a world leader you have had notable professional disagreements with fellow colleagues. Although imprisoning the Fantastic Four in the depths of your dungeons might have been the best course of action at the time, I believe I can provide dispute resolution techniques which can avoid costly battles. I have worked in group environments to solve group disagreements, where I have learned to both lead and to co-operate among teammates. Despite the doubts you're sure to have regarding my ability to work with Team Doom, I have honed my communication skills through years of technical presentations, design proposals, and publishing technical reports. I now feel confident in my ability to be both comfortable and productive in any engineering group environment.
Doctor, I am keen to use my skills for your government, and I believe I can be a strong member of your engineering team. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Sahan Rohanatilaka
Doomstadt, Latveria
Human Resources
Dear Dr. Doom,
I am seeking to apply as an Electronics Engineer for a full time position at your robotics facility in Doomstadt. Designing electronic systems and optimizing through software simulation is a personal interest of mine. My extensive knowledge of electrical circuit design and experience in robotics would be an asset to your engineering team.
Despite your landlocked country's numerous trade embargoes - obviously perpetrated by enemies of democracy and peace - you have single-handedly maintained a strong technology sector as can be seen by your vast armada of Doombots. This type of management can only be attributed to the wealth of intellect and polymathic skill of its glorious leader. You will find that I too am learned in a multitude of arts and possess a multifaceted skillset. Throughout my years at McMaster University I have worked with computing programs such as Matlab for finite element analysis; Multisim for schematic circuit design; AutoCAD for 2D and 3D drafting; and computing languages like C and Assembly in many of the projects I undertook.
 |
| I too have had such moments. |
Today's robots utilize mechanical, electronic, and software systems that work in union to perform specific tasks. Although your Doombots and other machinery appear to be mostly governed by the principles of steam-power and alchemy, I believe my unique microsystems background will be a great boon to your army. I have a thorough understanding of RS-232 and PCI interfaces, having used them in the building of a spectrum analyzer, and data analysis using microcontrollers. You might find that controlling the world with such a vast army troublesome while managing the issues of your own nation. But possessing a strong background in digital communication I am also equipped with a thorough understanding of RF circuit design, and analog and digital signal processing. With a constant radio connection you can lead your armada of mechanical troops from the convenience of your throne in Castle Doom!
 |
| Doombots could perform better with Arduino microcontrollers. |
Doctor, I am keen to use my skills for your government, and I believe I can be a strong member of your engineering team. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Sahan Rohanatilaka
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The East Wind.
I wrote this while at work yesterday.
Cute-Indian-Girl-Who's-Scared-of-Me is sitting up head. Pretty-Eastern-European-Girl-Who-Snubs-Me is seated to my left. Little Nog is two tables away, opening up a candy bar. My ears are filled with Gord Downie, so I could care less!
Hello again my friends
I've come to see you again
Like the East Wind
The laziest wind
It doesn't go around you, it goes through you
It doesn't go around you, it goes right through.
Buda dada dum, buda dada dum!
It pours outside. Like a curtain of water, draping out the play. All the actors are still.
Drowned out in this music I feel powerful. As if I'm somewhere they cannot be; somewhere they cannot find me. In my mind I'm standing in the ring, standing above my opponent, screaming in victory, and I see it all in a tableau. Here I am happy.
I wonder what they think I'm writing
...
The List
Julie
Mark from Accounting
Ted, that smug fucker
Barbara from HR
Mr. Chen he gave me a ride that day
Rob, that meathead fucker.
I was thinking of MMA because I was hoping to go that night. As it turned out I did end up going. And I was the happiest all week! I was in my heaven. I enjoyed it so much that I had a dream last night that I was doing the armbar on my dad.
Cute-Indian-Girl-Who's-Scared-of-Me is sitting up head. Pretty-Eastern-European-Girl-Who-Snubs-Me is seated to my left. Little Nog is two tables away, opening up a candy bar. My ears are filled with Gord Downie, so I could care less!
Hello again my friends
I've come to see you again
Like the East Wind
The laziest wind
It doesn't go around you, it goes through you
It doesn't go around you, it goes right through.
Buda dada dum, buda dada dum!
It pours outside. Like a curtain of water, draping out the play. All the actors are still.
Drowned out in this music I feel powerful. As if I'm somewhere they cannot be; somewhere they cannot find me. In my mind I'm standing in the ring, standing above my opponent, screaming in victory, and I see it all in a tableau. Here I am happy.
I wonder what they think I'm writing
...
The List
Julie
Mark from Accounting
Ted, that smug fucker
Barbara from HR
Rob, that meathead fucker.
I was thinking of MMA because I was hoping to go that night. As it turned out I did end up going. And I was the happiest all week! I was in my heaven. I enjoyed it so much that I had a dream last night that I was doing the armbar on my dad.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Captain America.
I feel happy at this moment. It's due to a mix of soothing music and a realization. The latter I'll get to shortly.
I had a pretty good day. Today I bought two comic for myself and ate some Caribbean food for lunch. I bought a Neil Gaiman comic where he depicts Marvel heroes in the 17th Century. It seemed very interesting and being a Gaiman fan I had to purchase it. The second comic was Captain America. I've been really interested in Captain America lately. I'm not sure why. He lacks any superpowers, and is a rugged, manly hero, much like Batman. But unlike Batman he lacks the complicated mental issues and moral battles. I like how simple and straightforward he is. He's the archetypal hero. He's also iconic. He was created during the latter years of World War II. Almost as a joke, he would come to represent the American will. Even his name was not to be taken seriously. After the War no one really cared for this character, so he disappeared from comics. But they brought him back to life in the 80s or something. They made some story like he was frozen in time and they revived him again. Anyhow, I admire his iconic image. And who could not love his awesome shield? It's indestructible! Reading this comic and listening to my soothing music is making me happy right now. It's moments like this that make me forget about my work.
I hate my work, so I really look forward to these weekends. The past work week was especially difficult for me. A series of e-mails from someone came and threw my mind off balance for a while. In a way I expected this to come. I wrote a poem about this many blog entries ago, and it happened just as I predicted. I was beaten down to the ground, and as I tried to get back up, I was crushed into a pulp. Well, I deserve it. I think what bothered me most is how I never have enough courage -- or maybe skill -- to fight back. I don't know why I don't fight back. I never do when it comes to women. I'm always apologizing, always accepting blame. Maybe because I value friendship at the cost of anything, even my pride. I would do anything to minimize the damage and salvage the friendship. In the end I'm left feeling empty and weak, like a loser. I think that's something that has always bothered me about my past. I always lose every argument. That's something that bothered me about my previous relationship. I'm wrong, even when I know I'm right. I accept defeat. But this builds frustration in my head, and I end up feeling like I missed a chance. I end up feeling like a loser. It results in that low-self-confidence issue which has often plagued me. People take advantage of me, I know this. Maybe I don't want to hurt the people I love. Maybe I don't know enough words? Me no speak English.
During the Spider Man series there was a period where he was transported into a strange universe to fight in an epic battle. This battle would pit the best heroes versus the best villains. It was an ultimate battle to discover who was the best in the universe or something. I never read the comic, but I saw the episodes from the Cartoon. On one side it was Spiderman, Iron Man, X-Men, etc. On the other side it was Dr. Doom, Carnage, Dr. Octopus, the Lizard, etc. It was an epic battle and Spiderman's leadership saw that the good guys won in the end. He was transported once again out of this world and into some limbo dimension where Madam Webb explained everything to him. But the onus of it was that he could not tell anyone about this war. Once he's returned back into his normal life his memory would be erased, as will all the other superheros' and villains'. This would be known as the Secret Wars.
None of my friends knew of the series of e-mails that took place that week. It was my own Secret War. I wanted to fight it myself. To be honest, I didn't think it would turn out badly as it did. I know I'm the type to often lament and pour out all my feelings in a lengthy blog entry, but I wanted to keep silent during that time. It was only after a week had passed that I told anyone of it.
... She's like an immovable wall. But I tried my best.
Oh, as for that realization I spoke of earlier: I realize that I'm quite blessed, in many ways. I have a sound mind free from many mental problems others suffer from. I have a functioning body free of any diseases, disabilities, or other ailments. My family is alive and well, which cannot be said about every other family. I have great friends who love me and take me out to do things I would not otherwise do! I have my trusty steed (the Volvo). I have my strength and determination, which keeps me going even through the worst. Just like Captain America! Um, where was I? So I feel blessed that I have my lot in life. It's not much, and I could complain, but it could be a lot worse. And I could struggle to achieve what I have now, with a lot less. Despite all this shit I complain about, I feel lucky to be me.
I had a pretty good day. Today I bought two comic for myself and ate some Caribbean food for lunch. I bought a Neil Gaiman comic where he depicts Marvel heroes in the 17th Century. It seemed very interesting and being a Gaiman fan I had to purchase it. The second comic was Captain America. I've been really interested in Captain America lately. I'm not sure why. He lacks any superpowers, and is a rugged, manly hero, much like Batman. But unlike Batman he lacks the complicated mental issues and moral battles. I like how simple and straightforward he is. He's the archetypal hero. He's also iconic. He was created during the latter years of World War II. Almost as a joke, he would come to represent the American will. Even his name was not to be taken seriously. After the War no one really cared for this character, so he disappeared from comics. But they brought him back to life in the 80s or something. They made some story like he was frozen in time and they revived him again. Anyhow, I admire his iconic image. And who could not love his awesome shield? It's indestructible! Reading this comic and listening to my soothing music is making me happy right now. It's moments like this that make me forget about my work.
I hate my work, so I really look forward to these weekends. The past work week was especially difficult for me. A series of e-mails from someone came and threw my mind off balance for a while. In a way I expected this to come. I wrote a poem about this many blog entries ago, and it happened just as I predicted. I was beaten down to the ground, and as I tried to get back up, I was crushed into a pulp. Well, I deserve it. I think what bothered me most is how I never have enough courage -- or maybe skill -- to fight back. I don't know why I don't fight back. I never do when it comes to women. I'm always apologizing, always accepting blame. Maybe because I value friendship at the cost of anything, even my pride. I would do anything to minimize the damage and salvage the friendship. In the end I'm left feeling empty and weak, like a loser. I think that's something that has always bothered me about my past. I always lose every argument. That's something that bothered me about my previous relationship. I'm wrong, even when I know I'm right. I accept defeat. But this builds frustration in my head, and I end up feeling like I missed a chance. I end up feeling like a loser. It results in that low-self-confidence issue which has often plagued me. People take advantage of me, I know this. Maybe I don't want to hurt the people I love. Maybe I don't know enough words? Me no speak English.
During the Spider Man series there was a period where he was transported into a strange universe to fight in an epic battle. This battle would pit the best heroes versus the best villains. It was an ultimate battle to discover who was the best in the universe or something. I never read the comic, but I saw the episodes from the Cartoon. On one side it was Spiderman, Iron Man, X-Men, etc. On the other side it was Dr. Doom, Carnage, Dr. Octopus, the Lizard, etc. It was an epic battle and Spiderman's leadership saw that the good guys won in the end. He was transported once again out of this world and into some limbo dimension where Madam Webb explained everything to him. But the onus of it was that he could not tell anyone about this war. Once he's returned back into his normal life his memory would be erased, as will all the other superheros' and villains'. This would be known as the Secret Wars.
None of my friends knew of the series of e-mails that took place that week. It was my own Secret War. I wanted to fight it myself. To be honest, I didn't think it would turn out badly as it did. I know I'm the type to often lament and pour out all my feelings in a lengthy blog entry, but I wanted to keep silent during that time. It was only after a week had passed that I told anyone of it.
... She's like an immovable wall. But I tried my best.
Oh, as for that realization I spoke of earlier: I realize that I'm quite blessed, in many ways. I have a sound mind free from many mental problems others suffer from. I have a functioning body free of any diseases, disabilities, or other ailments. My family is alive and well, which cannot be said about every other family. I have great friends who love me and take me out to do things I would not otherwise do! I have my trusty steed (the Volvo). I have my strength and determination, which keeps me going even through the worst. Just like Captain America! Um, where was I? So I feel blessed that I have my lot in life. It's not much, and I could complain, but it could be a lot worse. And I could struggle to achieve what I have now, with a lot less. Despite all this shit I complain about, I feel lucky to be me.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage.
I wrote this whilst at lunch on Thursday:
It's lunchtime once again. Today wasn't so bad. I had to inspect a 100-bottle job today. Can you imagine typing in 100 different names, double-checking, pasting 100 labels onto bottles, and scanning them into a bin? And today's a good day. Tomorrow, I overhead, will be a very intense day. I'm gonna die! DIE!
I'm sitting at a new table in the lunchroom, it's close to the window. Outside the sun is heading West, it's against a vibrant blue sky. Flakes of clouds are scattered about. The wind blows the red leaves on a row of trees, they stand out of a lush carpet of green grass. There is a wooden bench sitting firmly on the ground, still against all things fluttering in the wind.
Today I'm having pasta that a family-friend made for us. Next to it I have two fish cutlets, and a piece of salty fish. This is a good lunch!
I was having a bit of an emo day today. I thought a lot about someone in my near-past. I felt that everything she has done, and everything she is doing, is perfectly called-for. She had a difficult time with my family, and an impossible future with me. No one deserved the abuse she got. She only wanted to be loved and included, but my family wouldn't have that. She deserved better. And amidst all this I did jack shit. I just let things slide and sat back passively. I couldn't give her what she wanted. I should've... I could've... I don't blame her, at all. I just wish I could tell her how sorry I am. I wish she'll find that happiness soon - if she hasn't found it already. Maybe it's better she isn't speaking with me. She will be happier. She doesn't need my drama. This is what I thought today while labeling bottles.
I'm going to do some cardio today. I might do an 8 km jog again. We'll see, it depends on when I'd get home. I hope my dad cooks something delicious! I want some meat. I want some smoked meat! I think we have fish - bleh. I'm fished out. And I don't want curry meat either. Damn curry, I have it every day.
Man, where are the hotties today? The lunch room's full of married, middle-aged women. The light outside is aging, getting bronze by the minute.
Sometimes I wonder about the future. Okay, I often wonder about the future. Where am I supposed to look? Who will she be? I look into the future and I see darkness. In the past I'd see something, some symbol of what's to come - like Tangerine. But I see nothing now. Maybe this is it. There will be no one else. Maybe I had all my chances and I blew it. Kenny's right - maybe we missed some opportunity in the past. This doesn't feel like where I should be right now. Fuck! I'm turning into Kenny. You know what I'm really scared of? My parents guilting me into marrying someone. Some fobby ugmo. And I'll be too weak to fight. And I'll live the rest of my life with regret and sadness. Maybe I should invest in a gun.
The sun suddenly became harsher. Like it's giving a final blow before it disappears. It's too uncomfortable to sit here.
That was what I wrote two days ago. For the record, I did get home early on Thursday, but I never worked out because one of my best friends called and we talked for hours. It was a conversation that needed to happen. And for the record my dad did cook something delicious - it was a baked whole chicken! My friend on the phone told me not to eat any of it because it's so late into the night, but I did so anyways. Friday was indeed intense, but we got home early because everyone stayed behind to help. As a result of going home early I did an intense workout regiment last night.
I don't want anyone to worry, I'm feeling much differently today (as I was yesterday). Thursday's episode was just that - an episode. I think the repetition of labeling bottles got to me! Haha. On another topic I've come to realize that I should be more weary of posting things related to other people. This is my post for my own personal thoughts, but often I come close to describing my drama with others. And I should be weary of crossing into this territory. As a result I deleted certain sections of a previous post, and I censored a few sentences from what I wrote at work.
As I mentioned I worked out intensely yesterday. I was feeling so lethargic lately, not getting a proper workout to increase my muscle-mass. So yesterday I went all out. It was 2 solid hours of cardio and muscle-conditioning. First I jogged around my basement lightly. Then I put two stools on my path and jumped over them. I then continued this holding a 10 lb weight. I then switched it to a 25 lb weight. Can you imagine continuously jumping over two stools holding a 25 lb weight? It killed my abs. I must've done about 50 jumps. I want to count next time so I know how many I'm doing. This is a great exercise because it forces you to jump, otherwise you'll injure your foot! Then I did my regular pushups and situps. Then I practiced some low kicks and then my newly discovered Axe Kick. Then onto weight training for biceps, triceps, and the bench press. Man, I really felt it in my abs and pecs. I hope this would help my boobies disappear soon. Oh! I also did a new weight training drill for my lats, this should help my punches. And did it end there? Oh no. It's not over til it's over. So I ran on the treadmill for another 20 minutes. I put the "hills" program so the treadmill was simulating elevation. It killed my abs! But I didn't give up. I actually spat at the treadmill after I completed it without giving up. Booyah!
My plan is to continue this intense workout all weekend up to Monday (with Alex's Boot Camp as the finale). Then Tuesday I'll take off for recovery. Today I have MMA, so I'm not sure if I should do anything. Maybe something light. Fuck yeah, I'm not gonna just rest tonight. It's beautifully blue outside. The sun is hidden behind some rain clouds, and it's light is casting a greyish blue on all things outside. Definitely Sahan Weather. I'm feeling well. Ya know, despite everything I've lost, despite all the petty dramas that revolved around me, I didn't do so bad. I'm quite proud of what I've achieved, considering what I had to work with. I like how I look, I can hold my fight, I'm earning more money, and I'm determined to go further.
Thanks Kyoshi. Osu.
It's lunchtime once again. Today wasn't so bad. I had to inspect a 100-bottle job today. Can you imagine typing in 100 different names, double-checking, pasting 100 labels onto bottles, and scanning them into a bin? And today's a good day. Tomorrow, I overhead, will be a very intense day. I'm gonna die! DIE!
I'm sitting at a new table in the lunchroom, it's close to the window. Outside the sun is heading West, it's against a vibrant blue sky. Flakes of clouds are scattered about. The wind blows the red leaves on a row of trees, they stand out of a lush carpet of green grass. There is a wooden bench sitting firmly on the ground, still against all things fluttering in the wind.
Today I'm having pasta that a family-friend made for us. Next to it I have two fish cutlets, and a piece of salty fish. This is a good lunch!
I was having a bit of an emo day today. I thought a lot about someone in my near-past. I felt that everything she has done, and everything she is doing, is perfectly called-for. She had a difficult time with my family, and an impossible future with me. No one deserved the abuse she got. She only wanted to be loved and included, but my family wouldn't have that. She deserved better. And amidst all this I did jack shit. I just let things slide and sat back passively. I couldn't give her what she wanted. I should've... I could've... I don't blame her, at all. I just wish I could tell her how sorry I am. I wish she'll find that happiness soon - if she hasn't found it already. Maybe it's better she isn't speaking with me. She will be happier. She doesn't need my drama. This is what I thought today while labeling bottles.
I'm going to do some cardio today. I might do an 8 km jog again. We'll see, it depends on when I'd get home. I hope my dad cooks something delicious! I want some meat. I want some smoked meat! I think we have fish - bleh. I'm fished out. And I don't want curry meat either. Damn curry, I have it every day.
Man, where are the hotties today? The lunch room's full of married, middle-aged women. The light outside is aging, getting bronze by the minute.
Sometimes I wonder about the future. Okay, I often wonder about the future. Where am I supposed to look? Who will she be? I look into the future and I see darkness. In the past I'd see something, some symbol of what's to come - like Tangerine. But I see nothing now. Maybe this is it. There will be no one else. Maybe I had all my chances and I blew it. Kenny's right - maybe we missed some opportunity in the past. This doesn't feel like where I should be right now. Fuck! I'm turning into Kenny. You know what I'm really scared of? My parents guilting me into marrying someone. Some fobby ugmo. And I'll be too weak to fight. And I'll live the rest of my life with regret and sadness. Maybe I should invest in a gun.
The sun suddenly became harsher. Like it's giving a final blow before it disappears. It's too uncomfortable to sit here.
That was what I wrote two days ago. For the record, I did get home early on Thursday, but I never worked out because one of my best friends called and we talked for hours. It was a conversation that needed to happen. And for the record my dad did cook something delicious - it was a baked whole chicken! My friend on the phone told me not to eat any of it because it's so late into the night, but I did so anyways. Friday was indeed intense, but we got home early because everyone stayed behind to help. As a result of going home early I did an intense workout regiment last night.
I don't want anyone to worry, I'm feeling much differently today (as I was yesterday). Thursday's episode was just that - an episode. I think the repetition of labeling bottles got to me! Haha. On another topic I've come to realize that I should be more weary of posting things related to other people. This is my post for my own personal thoughts, but often I come close to describing my drama with others. And I should be weary of crossing into this territory. As a result I deleted certain sections of a previous post, and I censored a few sentences from what I wrote at work.
As I mentioned I worked out intensely yesterday. I was feeling so lethargic lately, not getting a proper workout to increase my muscle-mass. So yesterday I went all out. It was 2 solid hours of cardio and muscle-conditioning. First I jogged around my basement lightly. Then I put two stools on my path and jumped over them. I then continued this holding a 10 lb weight. I then switched it to a 25 lb weight. Can you imagine continuously jumping over two stools holding a 25 lb weight? It killed my abs. I must've done about 50 jumps. I want to count next time so I know how many I'm doing. This is a great exercise because it forces you to jump, otherwise you'll injure your foot! Then I did my regular pushups and situps. Then I practiced some low kicks and then my newly discovered Axe Kick. Then onto weight training for biceps, triceps, and the bench press. Man, I really felt it in my abs and pecs. I hope this would help my boobies disappear soon. Oh! I also did a new weight training drill for my lats, this should help my punches. And did it end there? Oh no. It's not over til it's over. So I ran on the treadmill for another 20 minutes. I put the "hills" program so the treadmill was simulating elevation. It killed my abs! But I didn't give up. I actually spat at the treadmill after I completed it without giving up. Booyah!
My plan is to continue this intense workout all weekend up to Monday (with Alex's Boot Camp as the finale). Then Tuesday I'll take off for recovery. Today I have MMA, so I'm not sure if I should do anything. Maybe something light. Fuck yeah, I'm not gonna just rest tonight. It's beautifully blue outside. The sun is hidden behind some rain clouds, and it's light is casting a greyish blue on all things outside. Definitely Sahan Weather. I'm feeling well. Ya know, despite everything I've lost, despite all the petty dramas that revolved around me, I didn't do so bad. I'm quite proud of what I've achieved, considering what I had to work with. I like how I look, I can hold my fight, I'm earning more money, and I'm determined to go further.
Thanks Kyoshi. Osu.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
1979.
I wrote this during lunch today:
Luuuunch time! Ah, it feels great to get outta there! I am eating some brown rice with chicken, mushrooms, okra, dal, and jackfruit curry. My supervisor wasn't too pleased with me today when I told her I had to go to Martial Arts classes in the evening. That means I'm only doing half an hour of overtime. She looked really disappointed. But I made a choice, to commit to my training, and I can't stop now. I owe Kyoshi too much to give up now. To be honest, I can't wait to see him! Wah, I'm so excited for tonight!
I worked out a lot yesterday, mostly muscle conditioning, but also some cardio. It wasn't enough. I honestly could've gone for another hour (I did 1.5 hours). I stopped because it was getting too late - some freak was waiting online for me. My body feels rigid today, and that's a feeling I missed. I gotta push harder next time. Push it to the limit! Past the point of no return!
I wanna take up guitaring again. Top of the list-of-songs is Simon & Garfunkel. Anything by them, really. I'm gonna be a folk-rock MMA fighter. Part hippie, part killer. Just like Charles Manson.
Why do girls with great butts have awful faces? And why do girls with great faces have awful butts? It seems to be a tradeoff. Oh! Speaking of this, I was bending over to fill up my water bottle when Cute Girl was standing right beside me. I didn't even notice her! I must've been bending over for 30 whole seconds without taking notice. She exudes a weak presence.
The weather outside is so beautiful! It's raining dogs and monkeys! The heavens are pouring forth! Perfect Sahan weather.
Hmm... cute brown girl looking at me, that's twice now. She looks a bit fobby. A bit drama-baggage-ish. Must consider further.
Man, I'm in a good mood today! I dunno what it is.
Booooobiiiiieeeeeesssssss!!!!!!!
For the record, people at work made a big fuss about me leaving early. I pretty much had to apologize to every person so I could pry myself outta there. But it was all worth it. MMA was terrific! I didn't get much of a workout though. I miss cardio kickboxing so much. I hope I don't spiral downwards. At least I get to fight in MMA, that's what's most important.
Today I did my first Axe Kick. Unfortunately it landed right on Frank's head. I just saw him get clonked and stumble backwards. I ran, grabbed his head, and caressed the spot I hit with my heel. I never realized how powerful a kick it was. Then we did some grappling work on the ground. We found a way to get out of the Rear-Naked Choke. I loved it! It worked really well. But the timing has to be just right and the movement fluid. It probably won't work 7 out of 10 times.
Also for the record, the cute brown girl (the new one who was looking at me) had a ring on her finger. So forget that shit.
I want to take some of my Smashing Pumpkins cds to work to listen on the drive. A couple of songs came on this week and I realized how much I missed those guys. Man, it just hits the spot. Right there, aww yeah.
Luuuunch time! Ah, it feels great to get outta there! I am eating some brown rice with chicken, mushrooms, okra, dal, and jackfruit curry. My supervisor wasn't too pleased with me today when I told her I had to go to Martial Arts classes in the evening. That means I'm only doing half an hour of overtime. She looked really disappointed. But I made a choice, to commit to my training, and I can't stop now. I owe Kyoshi too much to give up now. To be honest, I can't wait to see him! Wah, I'm so excited for tonight!
I worked out a lot yesterday, mostly muscle conditioning, but also some cardio. It wasn't enough. I honestly could've gone for another hour (I did 1.5 hours). I stopped because it was getting too late - some freak was waiting online for me. My body feels rigid today, and that's a feeling I missed. I gotta push harder next time. Push it to the limit! Past the point of no return!
I wanna take up guitaring again. Top of the list-of-songs is Simon & Garfunkel. Anything by them, really. I'm gonna be a folk-rock MMA fighter. Part hippie, part killer. Just like Charles Manson.
Why do girls with great butts have awful faces? And why do girls with great faces have awful butts? It seems to be a tradeoff. Oh! Speaking of this, I was bending over to fill up my water bottle when Cute Girl was standing right beside me. I didn't even notice her! I must've been bending over for 30 whole seconds without taking notice. She exudes a weak presence.
The weather outside is so beautiful! It's raining dogs and monkeys! The heavens are pouring forth! Perfect Sahan weather.
Hmm... cute brown girl looking at me, that's twice now. She looks a bit fobby. A bit drama-baggage-ish. Must consider further.
Man, I'm in a good mood today! I dunno what it is.
Booooobiiiiieeeeeesssssss!!!!!!!
For the record, people at work made a big fuss about me leaving early. I pretty much had to apologize to every person so I could pry myself outta there. But it was all worth it. MMA was terrific! I didn't get much of a workout though. I miss cardio kickboxing so much. I hope I don't spiral downwards. At least I get to fight in MMA, that's what's most important.
Today I did my first Axe Kick. Unfortunately it landed right on Frank's head. I just saw him get clonked and stumble backwards. I ran, grabbed his head, and caressed the spot I hit with my heel. I never realized how powerful a kick it was. Then we did some grappling work on the ground. We found a way to get out of the Rear-Naked Choke. I loved it! It worked really well. But the timing has to be just right and the movement fluid. It probably won't work 7 out of 10 times.
Also for the record, the cute brown girl (the new one who was looking at me) had a ring on her finger. So forget that shit.
I want to take some of my Smashing Pumpkins cds to work to listen on the drive. A couple of songs came on this week and I realized how much I missed those guys. Man, it just hits the spot. Right there, aww yeah.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
TV.
I wrote this while at lunch:
My plans to workout in the mornings hasn't gone so well. I stay up late after work so I wake up late. I'm going to workout tonight, after work. Is that bad? Nah, a workout's a workout. There's some good news. I checked my body fat percentage and I'm at 18%! This means I've dropped 2-3% in just two weeks! Earlier I was losing fat at a rate of 1% per month. I think it's due to Alex's boot camp regiment. Hmm. Oh, and my weight is at 182 lbs, btw. This means I only lost fat and not muscle.
I'm still thinking about yesterday's meeting. I'm a bit disappointed. I expected more to come out of it. Sigh. I'm not sad, just disappointed. I love my friends though. Thank you for always being there, especially last night.
Man, the lunch room's full of ugmos. Where are the hotties? Where?!! I saw that snobby brown girl earlier. She's the only non-married hot girl in my department. She totally ignored more again. I hope she chokes on that water she got - just a little bit.
Woah, a hot tall girl just walked in -- blugh, nevermind, she just turned around.
I'm doing well at my job. My supervisor was very happy with my progress and told me so. Well, I'm out of time, I guess I should go back. Let's hope something wonderful happens to me tonight.
For the record, I did work out tonight. I first set up an obstacle course around my basement and ran and jumped until I was tired. Then I did an hour of muscle conditioning. Tomorrow I'm planning on leaving early (only doing half an hour of OT) so I could make it to MMA class. I will not give up. Even if my body's tired, I refuse to let my progress slide. This means far too much to me. What I've gained in the dojo is more important than anything else right now.
Also, for the record, something wonderful DID happen to me. I smiled at this really cute girl in another department. She looks Middle-Eastern/ Eastern-European. I hope I can smile at her again tomorrow!
My plans to workout in the mornings hasn't gone so well. I stay up late after work so I wake up late. I'm going to workout tonight, after work. Is that bad? Nah, a workout's a workout. There's some good news. I checked my body fat percentage and I'm at 18%! This means I've dropped 2-3% in just two weeks! Earlier I was losing fat at a rate of 1% per month. I think it's due to Alex's boot camp regiment. Hmm. Oh, and my weight is at 182 lbs, btw. This means I only lost fat and not muscle.
I'm still thinking about yesterday's meeting. I'm a bit disappointed. I expected more to come out of it. Sigh. I'm not sad, just disappointed. I love my friends though. Thank you for always being there, especially last night.
Man, the lunch room's full of ugmos. Where are the hotties? Where?!! I saw that snobby brown girl earlier. She's the only non-married hot girl in my department. She totally ignored more again. I hope she chokes on that water she got - just a little bit.
Woah, a hot tall girl just walked in -- blugh, nevermind, she just turned around.
I'm doing well at my job. My supervisor was very happy with my progress and told me so. Well, I'm out of time, I guess I should go back. Let's hope something wonderful happens to me tonight.
For the record, I did work out tonight. I first set up an obstacle course around my basement and ran and jumped until I was tired. Then I did an hour of muscle conditioning. Tomorrow I'm planning on leaving early (only doing half an hour of OT) so I could make it to MMA class. I will not give up. Even if my body's tired, I refuse to let my progress slide. This means far too much to me. What I've gained in the dojo is more important than anything else right now.
Also, for the record, something wonderful DID happen to me. I smiled at this really cute girl in another department. She looks Middle-Eastern/ Eastern-European. I hope I can smile at her again tomorrow!
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