Day Four.

So thus concludes the fourth day. It ends on a sombre note, although not as sad as I thought it would be. You see, my grandfather died yesterday night. It was probably about 24 hours ago from now. I was deeply affected by his loss today, and a part of me still is, albeit not so deeply.

My grandfather was a very strong and dominant man. In his youth he was involved in politics; he once related to me the stories of his involvement in the Communist Party of Sri Lanka. He was a born leader, and was never one to be tied down to this world. Even as he aged he maintained that powerful stature to him. I don't have any memory of my father's parents, for they died when I was very young. But my mother's parents, of which he's her father, I have very clear memories of. My grandfather and my grandmother came to Canada a couple of times, staying with us for long stretches at a time. They were the ones that took care of me when I was young boy in Sri Lanka and during my teen years here in Canada. When I was with them I felt very much at peace. Their conversations weren't like those of my parents: busy, pragmatic, and hurried. They talked mostly about their past; memories of times long past yet to them seemed so near. I don't know my grandfather's history as well as I do my grandmother's. I do recall my grandma saying how much of a playboy he was. And I remember my mom saying how my grandma asked him to change his hairstyle in the way of a famous Sri Lankan actor (kind of wavy and combed back), and he had that look his entire life. As a child I got my affinity for stories by listening to them talk. When I heard them regaling a story it was very different from the entertainment I received on TV. Their stories were peaceful, and drawn out, including seemingly useless details, to paint an accurate picture, but without any real plot. It was like being in a timeless park, where it was just the green grass, blue sky, and the white clouds all day; and you had forgotten why you're there or where you had to go. This is what I remember of their stories. At some point my grandparents moved back to Sri Lanka because they found Canada too stifling to their way of life (they were very active and energetic people, and here they had nothing to do). I didn't speak to them for many years then. I would occasionally speak to them over the phone -- actually, as I typed that, I realized the last time they called I didn't want to speak to them because I felt it was just a waste of time as they would just be asking the same old questions about what I'm studying, how much longer it would be, and I would give the same answers in the same tone. I told my parents I was busy and I never took the phone. But whenever he did speak to me he would be so happy and spoke in English (both my grandparents speak very good English). He would often write me birthday cards addressing them Mr. Sahan. I just have so much regret now in my heart. I was supposed to go see him, this is why I'm having this vacation. He had a stroke and he became paralyzed. My mother went a month ago to take care of him. But she saw how he was getting better so we didn't have to come. We cancelled our tickets and thought we'd buy them again later on in the year when it's easier for us to take time off. But then a few days ago he had a heart attack and he was put on life support. His kidneys were failing so he was put on dialysis. Then they said he was recovering again, so they removed his life support, but a day or so afterwards he died. I couldn't believe it. Of all the things I've heard I couldn't believe that. It was such a slap on the face for me. I was about to go. We had the tickets, but we cancelled them. At this moment I would've been there with him. Yet, instead, I am here now, never being able to say a word to him ever again, filled with enormous regret. Just so much regret.

The last bit must've been very incoherent. I had a lot of trouble writing it. I think I'm going to stop now. I wanted to talk about MMA and Narnia and all these other things. But I can't. Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate it.